


The Deification of Jason Gideon

by IllegalCerebral



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angry Prentiss, Funerals, Gideon's funeral, Grieving, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 17:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13685952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegalCerebral/pseuds/IllegalCerebral
Summary: Emily is called back from London for the funeral of Jason Gideon. As the team remembers their former leader Emily grows increasingly angry at history being rewritten.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thasmins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thasmins/gifts).



This felt like the longest flight Emily had ever taken in her life and if she wasn’t on her way to a funeral then she would have been downing vodka as soon as the plane took off. Unfortunately she needed to be stone cold sober and instead had tried to focus her attention on the movies on offer, the bad plane food and the trashy paperback she had picked up in the airport before leaving London. None of it had worked and so she spent the flight sitting on her hands to stop her biting her nails and staring out the window.

The phone call from Garcia had come in the middle of the night. It had taken fifteen minutes for the sobbing to subside enough to make out what she was saying. Two words had cleared the fog from her sleep addled mind in seconds.

_Gideon’s dead_

* * *

 

After that Emily just let Garcia cry for a while as she tried to process what that even meant. A million questions rocketed through Emily’s head as a wave of numbness washed over her.

_Gideon’s dead_

Garcia was still crying but she kept breaking her sobs with breathy bursts of explanation. There had been an old case. Gideon had been trying to draw the killer out. He’d been shot in his cabin. The team had been called in and they’d stood over his body.

It shot through Emily like electricity.

“What about Reid and Rossi? And Hotch? Are they okay?” The fear was a cold, heavy stone in the pit of her stomach.

“Um Reid is...he’s coping? I dunno. This is the second friend Rossi has lost recently. He’s taking it hard.” Garcia choked back another cry before continuing “Hotch...Hotch has...”  
  
“He’s trying to be strong for everyone else” said Emily, tiredly “Goddamn it”

That sent Garcia over the edge again. Emily’s heart broke for her. The woman was too good for this line of work, hell she was too good for a rotten world like this. The man had barely known her name and he had certainly never appreciated anything she’d done for the team, despite the fact the BAU couldn’t function without her. Jason Gideon did not deserve her tears and yet here she was shedding them freely, generously for the man.

“The funeral is next week” sniffed Garcia once she’d managed to stop crying again “Please say you’ll be there. We need you.”

“I’ll be there” said Emily, swallowing the urge to scream and gripping the phone tightly. Garcia let forth a stream of gratitude that Emily didn’t have the heart to respond to with much more than a few half hearted words of comfort. Finally she put the phone down and rolled over but there was no chance she was sleeping after that.

_Fuck you Gideon_

* * *

 

_“Don’t you think I know something’s wrong?”_

The conversation in New Orleans nearly eight years ago played on a loop in her head as the countryside rolled by. Emily took a cab to Rossi’s place straight from the airport despite the fact that she wanted desperately to take a moment to down a bottle or six of vodka. At least Rossi had some of the good stuff stashed away so there was a chance that she could do that later on. Unfortunately it was likely to to come with a healthy dose of nostalgia that Emily wasn’t sure she could stomach.

 “I’m glad you could make it” said Rossi, opening the door and holding his arms out to her “I just wish it could be under better circumstances.”

“Me too” said Emily, falling into his embrace

The rest of the team were in the garden. JJ had brought Will and the boys, Jack was there with Hotch and Morgan with Savannah.

A proper family event.

Reid scrambled to his feet to hug her first, clinging on for dear life. Emily had expected him to take it worst of all but that didn’t stop her shock at seeing his red eyes and blotchy face. It looked like he hadn’t slept since finding Gideon’s body and Emily’s heart broke.

Garcia was next and she looked almost as bad despite the fact she was clearly putting on brave face. Emily hugged her even tighter than Reid. The thing about Garcia was that she spent most of her energy bearing the pain of others so she was spent before she had a chance to deal with her own feelings. Emily could feel Garcia shaking in her arms and held the other woman in her embrace until the hidden sobs had subsided. 

“I’m really glad you came” mumbled Garcia thickly as she pulled away and allowed JJ to step forward. JJ looked much better, still teary but was dealing with the whole situation in her motherly, matter of fact way. Will pulled her into a one-armed hug after, followed by Morgan who looked tired but pleased to see her.

“We’ve missed you” Hotch said for the group when it was his turn. Emily allowed herself to finally sink a little deeper into the embrace. She was so tired already, the grief surrounding her family was so heavy that she was half afraid they were all going to suffocate under the weight of it. 

As they fell into easy, light conversation and passed around some of Rossi’s ridiculously expensive wine, Emily held back, watching her friends. Her eyes lingered on Reid and Garcia’s clasped hands and she wasn’t quite sure who was comforting who there. 

Kate, the new agent was also quiet. Emily thought she seemed a little out of place, hesitant almost. But then again they were here for Gideon and Kate at least had been lucky not to know him.

Emily scolded herself as soon as the thought bubbled up from her subconscious. Gideon hadn’t been a bad man or even a bad agent.

He hadn’t been a good one either though.

“Emily you okay?” JJ leaned towards her, voice low so no one else could here.

“Jet lag” Emily murmured. JJ shifted back, disbelief quickly fading from her face as she rejoined a conversation with Rossi and Morgan. It quickly turned towards some of Gideon’s misadventures in the early days of the BAU.

“Sam told us about the prank with director’s schedule” Morgan chuckled.

“God he was so mad about that for ages afterwards” said Rossi “He didn’t speak to Sam for about six months after that. I was ferrying messages between the two of them when they were only a desk apart.”

Everyone laughed as if this was a endearing quirk. Emily had to get up and head inside under the pretence of grabbing another bottle of wine.

And possibly hitting someone over the head with it.

“It’s intense out there” Will’s soft drawl caused her to turn around. Emily went to protest but Will continued, “Funny how when someone dies people think all the bad dies with them.”

Emily sighed, struggling to find the words to explain the feelings that were consuming her.

“I didn’t hate him. He wasn’t a monster” said Emily finally, shoulders sagging “He wasn’t a saint either though. I know this is what they need right now but...”

“It’s not what you need” finished Will “I get it believe me. I only met Gideon the one time but gave off that vibe-”

“Dismissive, arrogant, unfeeling?” Emily’s hand flew to her mouth as the words left her mouth.

“I was gonna say blunt and to the point” said Will with a grin “But that works too”

“That was the Ripper case” said Emily “It was a personal one for you.”  
  
“Yeah” said Will “Not sure Gideon appreciated that and I guess I never really let that go. Still, he wasn’t around for long after that.”

“Yeah he abandoned the team” said Emily, her voice rising “Nothing but a letter for Spencer, he didn’t deem the rest of us important enough to explain himself to. Either that or he at least felt guilty about-”

“Find the wine?” Hotch appeared in the doorway, making both Emily and Will jump.

“I need to go to my hotel” she said, not quite making eye contact as she shoved the bottle into Hotch’s hands “The journey tired me out”  
  
“The bureau is arranging the funeral and Cruz wanted to know if you would say something” said Hotch steadily.

“No”

“Emily-”

“No” said Emily again, more firmly before striding out of the house.

* * *

 

Emily tried to ignore the knock on the door and shimmy further under the duvet. Maybe she could stay here forever, miss the funeral entirely and live out her days drinking fun-size gin and vodka in a blanket fort.

“Emily open up” JJ’s muffled voice still managed to reach her. The knocking continued and Emily finally admitted defeat. It was hard to look intimidating in a fluffy bathrobe but she tried anyway as she flung the door open. It didn’t work.

“So Will told me what the two of you talked about” JJ said, stepping into the hotel room and flopping down on the bed.

“Uh huh”

“Why are you....” JJ gestured awkwardly “You ran off without saying anything”

“It’s what Gideon would have wanted” said Emily, arms folded.

“He’s dead Emily. Look I know he could be difficult but-”

“Difficult is an understatement. He abandoned his team when they needed him most!”

“He was struggling too” said JJ, gently “It’s like I told Kate up at Gideon’s cabin. The best way to love him was to let him be.”

The silence that followed hung heavily in the air.

“JJ” said Emily, slowly “I love you. You know I love you.... but that it the most fucking ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life.”

JJ closed her eyes and Emily wondered if this is how she dealt with Henry when he was acting up and the thought frustrated her even more.

“Look” said Emily “I get that he was a great man, founder of the BAU, a leader in his field and all that shit and that apparently gives men a pass to treat people like their disposable but he hurt my family.” JJ went to speak but Emily kept talking “Hotch was fighting battles on all fronts with Strauss getting at him at the bureau and Haley leaving him. All while trying to keep the team together and help us through our various crises. He had no-one to support him or stand by his side when Gideon took off. Reid was neck deep in a fucking drug addiction that no one was allowed to speak about and he was suffering from severe PTSD. You know about his abandonment issues, it was like his father had left all over again.”

“I know” said JJ “but Reid is tougher than he seems and it’s not fair to baby him-”

“That’s not what i mean and you know it” said Emily “The strongest person in the world still needs help when he’s pumping opioids into his veins. Morgan’s trust issues weren’t helped, Gideon was a mentor to him too not that anyone remembers that. Did anyone ask Derek if he was okay? We all just assumed because he’s Morgan and he’s “the tough guy”. None of us apart from Reid was given an explaination.”  
  
“This job gets to people and Gideon was in it for longer than any of us”

“Why are you defending him?” Emily threw her hands up “He never valued you! Anyone who wasn’t a profiler didn’t matter in his eyes. He never bothered to learn Garcia’s name for fuck’s sake and you know he never acknowledged what she did, and still does, for our team. We’d be lost without her.”

JJ’s shoulders sagged, hurt etched into her face. Emily had gone to far. Gideon’s death was an open wound and she had poked it in the worst way possible.

“I can’t pretend JJ” said Emily and her voice began to crack “I can’t pretend that the good he did cancelled out the hurt he caused to people I love. I can’t get up there and talk about how wonderful he was when the things that are most vivid in my memory is the fallout from him leaving.”  
  
“Matt Cruz is pushing for you to speak” said JJ after a moment “As a former BAU agent but also as a well known Interpol agent.”

“They want it to look good for everyone” Emily sat down beside her friend.

“Apparently it’s important that people see that Gideon was valued” said JJ “They’re insistent.”  
  
“Fuck them”

“Think about the team” said JJ “At least consider doing it for them, please?”

Emily’s head fell into her hands. 

_Jason fucking Gideon._

“I’m not saying yes” she mumbled after a moment, not looking up “But I will consider it.”

JJ squeezed her shoulder and left without a word. Emily headed back to bed but sleep wouldn’t come. 


	2. Chapter 2

The conversation with JJ rocketed around Emily’s mind like a pinball, slamming into her skull with a ferocity that she begrudged. He wasn’t worth that pain, at least not to her and yet in a way she was the same as her teammates - completely bound to Gideon despite the fact he’d abandoned her too.

Despite the fact that he was dead.

Sleep was a long time coming and the greasy breakfast and bitter coffee the next morning couldn’t make up for that.The funeral wasn’t until the next day but Emily didn’t want to spend another minute beatifying the dead man. That was the only thing the team seemed to want to do though so after breakfast she dressed and dragged herself over to Rossi’s. She was going to claim a jet lag induced headache for leaving without warning yesterday. Emily knew full well that JJ wouldn’t have told anyone what she said, neither would Hotch.

* * *

 

_Because they care about this family_

_Unlike Gideon_

_Unlike me?_

_Gideon left them_

_So did I, twice..._

_That wasn’t the same._

_Wasn’t it?_

Emily sat in the rental car outside of Rossi’s house, unable to move. Was that really at the heart of this? Guilt over moving to London manifesting as anger towards Gideon? She hated him because she hated herself?

_It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t-_

A tap on the window brought Emily back to earth. Reid waved awkwardly, Emily half started to wave back until she realised he was gesturing for her to wind down the window. God she needed more coffee, like an IV full...

“Are you okay?” Reid bit his lip.

“Tired” said Emily “Flight was hell and the hotel mattress is really lumpy. You’d think I’d be used to it by now but...”

She trailed off, shrinking back into the seat slightly under Reid’s disbelieving look. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again.

“I’m sorry for running off yesterday” said Emily, to fill the gap. Reid nodded.

“It’s okay. I get it”

_You really don’t_

“Thanks Reid”

“You know as nice as this car is” he said with a smile “It’s nicer inside. Plus Rossi and Garcia are cooking brunch”

“Together?”

“Not exactly” said Reid as Emily climbed out “Rossi apparently has strong views on vegetarian sausages and Garcia’s sandwich fillings are...unique.”

“I’ve gotta see this” laughed Emily. As the two of them headed inside Emily tried to figure out if she felt lighter seeing her friends or whether it increased her apprehension. When Reid awkwardly slipped an arm round her shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze she decided it was the former.

“Thanks” mumbled Emily. Reid didn’t reply, he just flashed her a wobbly, watery smile as the headed inside.

* * *

 

Hotch and JJ had talked. It was clear by their subtle tag teaming to steer the conversation into different directions whenever they came close to the subject of Gideon. He wasn’t disregarded completely but the two of them managed to act as a buffer against wallowing. 

There were four messages on Emily’s phone from Mateo Cruz, all about the eulogy. Emily hadn’t replied. Instead she had helped Garcia prepare a lentil and quinoa salad and berate Morgan as he whined about the lack of meat. 

“I can make corn beef hash to make it up to you” promised Emily, which finally got him to quit. That and Rossi’s perfectly cooked bacon. 

The atmosphere was less tense and more like old times now and Emily let herself start to feel safe again as Reid rambled on about the history of cooked breakfasts in cultures around the world and Hotch shared his views on the only decent way to make an omelette.

These beautiful, broken, caring people. 

Her family.

When Reid summoned a pack of cards seemingly out of nowhere and the group  moved to the lounge to play, Hotch tapped her on the arm. They hung back unnoticed, waiting for everyone to leave.

“Look” said Emily when they were finally alone “About what I said yesterday-”

Hotch held up a hand.

“I get it Emily, I really do. It hurts and it’s frustrating and it feels hollow but right now it’s what they need.”

“Need or want Hotch?” asked Emily “They’re re-writing their history with him.”

Hotch nodded, a sad and almost resigned look on his face.

“Gideon could be a bastard” he said “He did a lot of good things for the bureau and for the team but he could also be selfish and petty and careless with people’s feelings.”

“Like me?” Emily asked. Hotch frowned and then he let out a short, laugh.

“How the hell is that funny?”

“Never thought I would hear you compare yourself to Gideon” chuckled Hotch “God the first time you were sent out with him, you and Reid went with him to Guantanamo. He really didn’t want to take you.”

“Yeah that was clear” said Emily.

“You produced your go bag out of thin air, he was stuck. You corrected him on the plane - oh yeah he made a point of telling me that. He also told me how you beat him at chess on the way back”

“Twice” said Emily “He made us all prove ourselves to him. Not as agents or profilers. That’s our job, I get having to prove you can do that. Gideon wanted us to prove we were worthy of his attention, his consideration. Well none of us proved we were worthy of his compassion or his respect did we?”

“I know it must have seemed that way to you” said Hotch and he continued before Emily could protest”And yeah he did come across cold, he didn’t let people in but you need to remember you were the only team member who didn’t work with him before the Adrian Bale case.”

Emily fell silent which Hotch took as a cue to continue. 

“It messed him up Emily, more than you could possibly know. Six agents that Gideon knew personally, that we worked side by side with each day were killed in front of him because he got it wrong. Six families lost a parents, a child, a sibling. Six friends died. Six potential lives snuffed out and six more of those photos on the wall all because he made the wrong call.”

Emily knew, she’d spent years walking past those photos each day and she had heard the story about the botched hostage negotiation a thousand times.

“We all have that one case” sighed Hotch “The Reaper, Tobias Hankle, Carl Buford...Ian Doyle. We’re all haunted and broken and gnawed at by monsters that we face down. When Gideon faced his monster down he was devoured along with people he felt it was his duty to protect. The bureau wasn’t big on making sure its agents were supported back then. Why do you think he acted the way he did with Reid’s addiction? It was the way he was helped.”

Emily just stood there feeling simultaneously untethered and pressed down under a heavy weight.

“I’m not saying he didn’t do anything wrong” finished Hotch, softly “I just ask that you don’t judge him for his weakness as it measures against your own strength.”

He didn’t wait for her to reply but instead headed back to the lounge to watch the argument that the card game had inevitably descended into. Emily was left alone in the kitchen, a slight chill in the air and something stuck in the back of her throat that tasted almost like grief.

* * *

 

It was sunny which struck Emily as inappropriate for a funeral. Morgan had told her that when they had buried her own empty coffin years ago it had also been a nice day. Garcia had taken that as a sign at the time that Emily had been watching them, later on she took it as a sign from the universe that they didn’t need to mourn. Emily wasn’t sure which one of those applied to today. 

There was a large crowd at the cemetery but most of them were FBI personnel. The top brass were making a show of things. Cruz was up at the front, offering Gideon’s son his condolences. As he stepped away he caught Emily’s eye.

“You’re a difficult person to get a hold of” he said, striding up to her.

“I needed to be with my team” said Emily, her chin sticking out, hands on her hips.

“It would be good if you could say a few words as a representative of a foreign agency. It doesn’t have to be much but it would go down very well”

“For all the observers. Gotta have the right optics.”

“Is that a no?” asked Cruz.

“I can say a few words” said Emily “I’m not making a speech though. Just a few words.” Cruz nodded and headed back towards the front as people began to take their seats. Emily sat between Garcia and Hotch. Hotch gave a small nod and Garcia clasped her hand tightly and gave her a reassuring smile through her own tears. On her other side Garcia was holding on to Reid’s hand equally tightly.

The service started with an overview of Gideon’s life, his family and his work founding the BAU. His son got up and talked about having him as a father, how it wasn’t always the easiest thing in the world but how important he knew Gideon’s work was not just to the bureau but to the people he’d saved. 

After that Rossi stood up and talked about their early days working together, the long trips and lonely nights. How they had to fight for recognition and how half the time it felt they were making things up as the went along and how proud Gideon would be to see how far it had come since then.

Reid declined to speak, finding the whole thing too difficult so finally Emily took to the podium. The walk up felt like the longest of her life, the only sounds were the birds in the trees and the gravel crunching beneath her feet. Was her breathing loud or was it the absence of other noise?

When she got up there Emily looked out at the sea of faces, a hundred pairs of eyes all looking at her with expectation. Hotch and JJ looked worried, Reid and Garcia hopeful and Rossi and Morgan had small, reassuring smiles on their faces.

The birds carried on singing and she wondered what type they were. Were they song birds?

Gideon would know.

Emily took a deep breath to steady herself before she began.

“I worked with Jason Gideon for roughly a year” she said “his reputation preceded him and I was keenly aware going into the BAU that he was a man who held agents to high, even impossible standards, who didn’t suffer fools gladly and who had an unrivalled knowledge about the behaviours and emotions that drive us as human, while not always being sensitive to those”

The crowd was silent apart from one, awkward cough at the back. Emily swallowed. JJ had closed her eyes, hands clasped in front of her. Sunlight was bouncing off the white, glossy casket, half shining in her eyes. The anger in Emily’s belly had cooled to a low, sour simmer. 

“There’s a line from one of my favourite stories - ‘Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally evil, but by people being fundamentally people’. Jason Gideon was fundamentally a person, he was so utterly human, more so than anyone I’ve ever met. He taught me a lot and some of those lessons I think may have even been intentional. He taught me about how you should and shouldn’t treat your family, the people you love and care about, the people you would die for.”

Her gaze rested on the BAU, hands clasped and eyes shiny with tears, every last one of them.

“They were important lessons” finished Emily.

* * *

 

“Was that Dickens?” asked Rossi, coming up behind her along with the rest of the team. Everyone was heading to a nearby conference hall for food and drink and Emily fell into line with everyone else. 

“It was  _Good Omens_ ” said Reid.

“It was either that or ‘There never was an apple, that wasn't worth the trouble you got into for eating it.” It seemed the more appropriate of the two” said Emily with a small shrug.

“When we fake buried you, Reid read Wordsworth” said Rossi “It was beautiful”

“Really? Thank you” said Emily “Which one?”

“We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind; In the primal sympathy, which having been must ever be” quoted Reid, slipping his arm round Garcia’s shoulders as she began sniffling again.

“No one is allowed to die from now on” she said, wiping ther eyes with her lacy sleeve “I mean it, I’m not having it. Any of you die and I’ll kill you”

“I’ve had one funeral” laughed Emily “That’s enough. I’ll just live forever now.”

“How are you holding up?” asked Hotch as he and Emily slowly fell behind the rest of the team, “I know that must have been hard for you” 

“I told the truth” said Emily 

“Phrased in a palatable way?”

“Even I wouldn’t derail a funeral” said Emily “Anyway, I did it for my family”

“You aren’t like him Emily”

“Neither are you Hotch”

He smiled at her and offered his arm and together they walked after their family in the sunshine.


End file.
